yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
