Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
