i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
