Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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