Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
