At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have fence marks all over my body
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
