I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
