ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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