just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
