I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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