Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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