but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
