Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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