I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
