Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
