When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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