I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
