and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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