I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize