Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
