Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
