Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
