Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
