Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
