wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
