brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
