youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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