Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
