I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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