Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
