i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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