dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
