This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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