dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
