So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
