Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
