do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
