What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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