Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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