Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
