Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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