Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
