bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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