i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it fun? or sober?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
