I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
