i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
