i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
