Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
