I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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