how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you had me at cake vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
