mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
