The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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