We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
